To not force a position of superiority but rather be softer with connections of others. An abundance of patience for not only others but within ourselves. An abundance of kindness.An abundance of considerations within the human psyche. I feel as though you passed on things that others are not as fortunate to receive as humans. I take your teachings with rich gold-plated servings of information. To put in place the lessons you have advocated to us all in small daily life lessons. Maybe this was too early to test that strength? Or maybe this was to see whether we had listened to you all these years. What do you think about now? Are you peaceful and happy? Did you leave us feeling like we’d be okay? Not that you can see how we are doing, you left very strong people. So how are you? Are you missing me? What do you miss most? Are you enjoying the time of reflection like I am. I envy the past Martha who gets to still play with you and hold your hand. Your name is what keeps me smiling out of nowhere, what makes me travel to times of memories that are pigmented with rose and gold. I might purposely add weight within my headspace because I need reason to feel heavy, maybe. You’re effortless in thought, maybe sometimes it brings weight to my headspace, never because it’s meant to be. Popping up when you’re needed but also when the desire of your essence would be appreciated too. I find you in more places than when I felt I lost you. The skin reaches each corner of my face, it feel as those your warmth is reaching deep inside my heart and head. I turn towards sunshine, I think of you when I close my eyes and let the sun sink in to my pores. The glorious things we see all the time yet turn our heads to face darkness as it feels softer in our minds. Yet I know you’d instantly pause my churned headspace to navigate me towards escapism in the hope of life and optimism. I often believe every time you ask me this I can’t imagine an answer that doesn’t start with ‘but I miss you and it hurts more than ever’. These waves of you never feel real, and sometimes these waters feel like images on a computer screen than real salty sea. The waves of grief ripple and wobble more than choppy waters of the English channel. The emotions crash against rocks and hit harder every time the emotions reach the surface.
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